That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
