I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
