Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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