Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
