I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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