this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
