I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
