You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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