They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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