So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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