If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
