I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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