Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
