Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
