I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
