He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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