Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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