that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
