Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
