Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
