apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
