I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
