discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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