it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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