He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
tell me about the eggs
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