my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
