the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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