If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
