you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
