This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
