Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
