i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
