shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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