wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
