Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
