I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
