That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
