their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
