I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
