I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
