I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
