yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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