Just mADE A PArabola og urine
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
