Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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