I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
