dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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