Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
