Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
