Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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