he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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