i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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