If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
