Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again