hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.