I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures