More tranny stories later!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
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So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen