did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.