Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
