New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
