we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
