the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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