@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
