Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
smell my finger.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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