i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
