My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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