Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
