Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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